Reconnect with Your Authentic Self Instead of Denying Your Feelings

Reconnect with Your Authentic Self Instead of Denying Your Feelings

I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures.” ~Lao Tzu

Most of my life had been controlled by an underlying sense of anxiety.

I wanted so badly to just be happy; to be able to really look into the mirror and like what I saw.

 Two very popular self-help ideals come to my mind.

1. “You just have to be positive.”

This may be worst thing you can say to someone who is depressed and sees no way out of it.

You read books on “how to attract everything you ever want in life.” You understand that positive thinking leads to positive results. Just when you start making progress, something happens and you feel frustrated or angry.

You find yourself upset at yourself for being upset. You think, “Why can’t I just be happy? What’s wrong with me?” The depression deepens.

Listen, you don’t have to be positive all the time.

It’s okay if you get upset, or don’t feel happy every waking moment.

Before you can cultivate a positive mindset you must first honor where you are and the journey that brought you here. Our general outlook on life is a mixture of genetics and experience. Some reactions are very deeply engrained, and will take a concentrated effort over time to change.

You’re not broken if you can’t see the silver lining, which is why this next bit of wisdom needs another look.

2. “Just fake it until you make it.”

It’s a catchy saying, but horrible advice.

The feelings you have present in your life are very valid. The act of faking it is an act of denial, which can have some really negative effects on your psyche.

You can’t fake your way out of sadness and depression.

You can put on a happy face, and to some degree it will change your mood. But, during those times when you take away distractions and you have to sit alone with yourself, the act of faking it will make you feel like you’re crawling out of your own skin.

I didn’t realize that faking it perpetuated anxiety.

Being really comfortable with myself didn’t actually happen until I began to just sit still on a regular basis.

At first it was overwhelming; anxiety turned to frustration, to anger and rage, and finally to shame. I felt cracked wide open, exposed and raw.

The feeling really sucked and it lasted for almost six months.

But I sat with it. I owned it, and in that space of raw vulnerability I stopped faking it. For the first time in my life it felt okay to be me.

There is a real power in authenticity.

It is an act of love to honor where you are right now.

From my experience with sitting in my own stuff came my life as a writer. My first book followed and my newsletter audience grew.

Yet, with all that I’ve studied and think I know I still found myself experiencing that old worn out feeling of “you’re just not ever going to be enough.”

So, how did I find myself in Laguna Beach overwhelmed and feeling less than worthy of love and affection?

Well, that was actually pretty easy for me to discover. You see, I’m an avid note taker and list maker. It only took a few hours to sort through my 2012 notes to see that I had only half been walking my talk.

My practice of meditation had taken a backseat to my “trying to achieve things.”

My practice of mindfulness had eroded; evening meals were consumed along with DVDs and Facebook noise-feeds.

Three months of sunsets went unseen.

My reverence for the present moment had once again been lost while my mind searched for fulfillment in the future; the result of which was the rise of my existential anxiety.

A Simple Plan to Reconnect with Your Authentic Self

• Still your body and mind. Commit to just five minutes of meditation and build your practice from there.
• Maintain focused attention on your breathing and honor the task at hand.
• Witness your reactions to get to the core reasons behind your emotional response.
• Take time each evening to write down little moments of gratitude, love, and awe that happened throughout your day.
• Remind yourself that you have nowhere else to be other than where you are right now.

From my experience thus far the first part of the plan is the most powerful; science backs up that claim. That’s why I am building my daily sitting meditation.

My dream is to see more authenticity in this world.

My belief is that this will lead to more compassion, which in turn will lead to more change.

How about you? Want to change the world too?

Then please join me by spending just a little bit of time doing absolutely nothing, every day for the rest of your life.

Who’s in!? Tell me you’re with me!